Focal Leadership

Leadership

Is your boss emotionally unintelligent?

By

bad leader

Awhile ago I spoke with a business leader who told me they had a boss who is emotionally unintelligent. Taking Daniel Goleman’s definition of emotional intelligence, this means that the boss is not self-aware, does not manage their emotions well, is socially unaware, and does not manage relationships effectively. Not the best boss imaginable!

So, what do you do with a boss like this? Especially if this boss is very senior in your organization – a position they probably attained through their genius and business prowess, not people management skills.

Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Try to convert them

    If you are a very emotionally intelligent leader yourself, you may fancy your chances at converting this emotionally unintelligent leader. Some might say good luck! Reach out to them with a human touch, offer them feedback, and try to appeal to the small amount of empathy that lies within. Who knows, you may unlock someone who has become the person they are because no-one has tried to help them discover a better version of themselves. Sitting down and talking about the style of leadership they exhibit may be risky, but you may find them receptive to feedback offered with humility and best intentions. I have always felt that there is good in everyone – sometimes it is just buried quite deep. The leader might of course be completely impervious to your approaches and backing off may eventually be a wise course of action.

  2. Leave them be

Some leaders are tough nuts to crack when it comes to personal behavior change. You might just be best off going with the flow. Accept that they are unlikely to ask you how your weekend went, host a celebration event, or care about building a relationship with you. They might be 100% business and 0% personable. Sometimes it is not worth getting stressed or upset about a leader like this. Try and work with it. Acknowledge the way they are and go with the flow. This might be an emotionally bankrupt approach but make your emotional deposits elsewhere in relationships that offer a return on investment. When interfacing with your boss, tune yourself into the way they are. This way you will meet their expectations.

  • Stay authentic

    Carry on being the person you are. This can a tough road, especially as you are unlikely to get any response to your emotional investment. But some people can pull this off. Stay true to the emotionally intelligent person you are. Ask your boss how their weekend went. Invite them to a social gathering. Share things that are going on in your life. You may hit a brick wall and be ignored, but at least you are filling the airwaves with the positivity that you appreciate. If you are in the company of others as well as your boss, they will latch onto your attitude and appreciate you. Your boss might bark at you to focus on the business at hand, so be careful that you do not show any disrespect. At least you can feel fulfilled in continuing to be the person you are and not compromising your behavior just because it is not reciprocated.

  • Keep your network alive

    No person is an island. Even a CEO has a Board to be accountable to. When faced with an emotionally unintelligent boss, it is important that you keep networking with their peers, other direct reports, and skip level (if appropriate). Take big precautions not to gossip or side with others who bad mouth your boss. The last thing you need is to have your relationship poisoned, no matter how legitimate that might be. You can say that the relationship with your boss is challenging and laugh about some of the incidents that you have experienced but try to stay professional and positive as much as possible. Building relationships with others who share your boss’ circle of influence will ensure that you are inclusive and politically savvy. You might also discover ways of improving your relationship with your boss – others may have learned a secret or two.

  • Talk to a coach

    Sometimes you just need someone to vent to. Let your frustrations and need for validation spill out onto someone else. If your need for emotional connection and relational understanding are not met by your boss, you do need to find a safe place where you can get these. Your partner or family may not be the best place to find counsel. Maybe an HR Business Partner or a coach can help you best. Talk it out. You may find gems of wisdom, but you may not find a resolution – be prepared for that.

Do not be a victim. This person will not be your boss forever. Be true to yourself. Develop your own emotional intelligence and be the best colleague and leader you can be to others.

Is homeworking killing family life?

By

homeworking

Whether or not homeworking is impacting family life is a question that urgently needs addressing. Why? A report from Stanford in June 2020 stated that 42% of the US labor force was working from home full-time. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said that 50% of his staff will likely be working from home within the next 10 years. Many other companies are also following suit. Of course, the biggest stimulus for this is the global pandemic that has restricted access to offices, travel, and many types of employment. There is also a realization that much work can be done as effectively from home as in an office.

There is some evidence that people who work from home are putting in more work hours than when they would otherwise travel to an office or a place of work. There is also converse evidence that people need closer monitoring when working from home to ensure that they get work done. These diverse perspectives depend largely on the individual, but also on the type of work being done.

There are many remote working examples where employees enjoy greater relaxation and connection between their work and home lives – kids in the background, pets invading the meeting, or flexible workout times. While this has had a positive impact of “humanizing” people, and bringing a lot of flexibility, it may also have negative implications due to the blurring of work and home life. There is an argument that work and home life can exist very well together, especially when they are supportive of the passions and balance enjoyed by those involved.

A recent survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of CBDistillery, found that 56 percent of respondents are more stressed about work than ever before. 62 percent of respondents felt pressure from their company to be working beyond what is required of them as they work from home. 67 percent of respondents also said their company has pressured them into being available at all hours of the day since their work from home period started. This kind of data does not evoke a healthy work/home balance.

The instances of employees working all hours, responding to every email as soon as they can (regardless of time), and working at weekends as well as vacations, are many. The duty of care for employers not to build cultures of expectations such as these is paramount. Also essential is that employees establish clear boundaries for work and home life. Indeed, I champion employees checking out of their work life at weekends and during vacations. I recently read a report that taking a true vacation is important to avoid burnout, reduce vulnerability to illness, protect family relationships, and generally build a healthier outlook on life. All very significant benefits! Seeing people work double the amount of their contracted hours and compromising the time they spend with family and friends should not be a cause of happiness.

As we see the embedding of new working trends following the pandemic experience, we will undoubtedly witness homeworking increase as a proportion of the whole. Homeworking saves companies money on real estate, travel, and other benefits. What companies must do, but often do not, is understand their responsibility to their employees who transition to homeworking. Having worked in Europe for many years, one of the good things that came out of European working rights legislation and directives, is the requirement for employers to bear some responsibility for the homeworking environment of their employees. In my opinion, this should not just be the physical environment and financial implications, but also their mental health and work/life balance.

When work and home life are under the same roof, many people will need to establish new ways of living and being. Exercise routines, breaks during the day, eating habits, and work boundaries are just some of them. I would also suggest that homeworking requires intentional planning as to how to build and maintain healthy relationships and friendships. These will become increasingly under threat if not enough attention is given to them. Spending quality time with your spouse, children, extended family, and friends should be as much a part of everyone’s calendar as answering emails and attending meetings. Homeworking has and will kill family life. To build a healthy and sustainable culture where family life is the foundation of a balanced existence, means ensuring that homeworking should be an enabler not the executioner.

Values lived not just spoken or written

By

Value

I cannot think of many organizations who do not aspire to the notion of values lived and not just spoken or written. In times of stress and economic pressure, the consistency of practicing organizational values is under severe pressure. Predominantly because leaders have to make choices, and this can result in taking decisions which at face value do not align with the organization’s values. Or decisions are taken which do not actually contradict the organization’s values, but the way they are implemented does.

Why do organizations have values statements? There may be many reasons. Perhaps the one that seems most obvious is the wish to characterize the culture and behavior that they aspire to. For some, organizational values can be part of the corporate wallpaper, i.e. organizations have them for decoration with little function other than to appear once a year as a reminder during the performance review cycle. Some organizations do make efforts to embed them in practices such as talent reviews and leadership selection. The differentiating question is, “do these values characterize every decision and mean more than tenure, influence, expertise, or financial return?” Application sometimes contradicts sentiment.

Just recently I heard a CEO describe how decisions had been made with the well-being of employees being paramount, knowing that this in itself would spin off into corporate value. But this is not universally the case. There are also leaders who make decisions based on financial, strategic, or geographical factors, with less concern about any adverse impact these decisions have on people. Even though regret is expressed, values get lost in action.

It is not just leadership teams who have conflict around values. Many individual leaders are also challenged in this respect. They know about the values statements, and they are proponents of them for measuring performance and managing talent. But bringing them to life with real application and demonstration is sometimes not as evident. Role modelling and holding themselves accountable for living the values is sometimes overlooked because it is not seen as having more importance than other performance measures.

So, what is to be done? Living values means holding a constant plumb line to decisions that are made and practices that are implemented. As well as having a Return On Investment (ROI) measure, organizations should also have a Return On Values (ROV) measure. As part of the review process for critical decisions which impact the organization and employees, an ROV step should measure not only whether the decision is consistent with the organization’s values, but also whether the implementation of this decision will embody these values. For example, performance review processes need to be designed, implemented, and communicated consistent with an organization’s values. Managing the day-to-day performance of these employees also needs to be consistent with these values.

Assessing leaders for fit and potential is a massive industry. There are some assessment tools that explore the values that a leader holds, and many others focus on competencies or behavioral traits. The greatest source of leadership impact and effectiveness over time is character. The Cambridge Dictionary defines character as the particular combination of qualities in a person that makes them different from others. This distinctiveness is often associated with moral values and not just personality traits or experiential prowess. The need for organizations and leaders to embrace moral values that champion the best of human behavior is much needed in an increasingly stressful world.

It is the choice of every leader to live by the highest values, not just to acknowledge them as written or spoken aspirations, but to apply them in practice every time.

3 reasons a leader need to listen more

By

leader earA leader is most often associated with action, articulate assessments and directive pronouncements, but how much better can a leader be if they perfect the art of listening?

Just recently I heard that the President of the United States of America was holding “listening meetings”. In spite of the polarizing views held about the President, I was impressed with the intent of these meetings – at least the title of them. What better way to learn about the gravity and nuances of critical topics than to listen to experts! No doubt there are examples of quite the reverse behavior that litter presidencies and other positions of leadership that we could discuss.

You have may heard the phrase, ‘heard but not listened to’. For many employees that is their experience of leaders. Their contribution is heard, but is it really ‘listened’ to? What do I mean by that? Well, is the background of the message, the meaning of the message, the projection of the message and the intent of the message understood? How deeply do leaders consider the contributions of others? I’d like to suggest 3 reasons why a leader needs to listen more:

1. Leaders are not infallible

Now this sounds obvious. I have however worked with leaders who have their ideas so set in their own minds, that the only person who could sway them might be the CEO. Some of these leaders have gone so far down the track of their choosing, without really listening to the input of others, that they have wasted considerable time and energy back-tracking when things don’t quite go according to plan. Leaders can’t afford to let pride or status drive their actions. Without seriously considering the input of others, they run the risk of derailment.

2. Leaders need others

Again this sounds very obvious. But how many leaders have decided that their own analysis and judgement is paramount, without consulting others. What good leaders understand is that personal filters and preferences can give a perspective that isn’t as well developed as it needs to be. Taking into account the perspectives of others can create ground for a far better balance and likelihood of success. There is also the element of mutuality of respect for each other’s expertise. The best answers often lie in collective wisdom, not just that of one individual.

3. Leaders influence the culture

At the risk of sounding too elementary, leaders are a massive influence on the culture of organizations. If leaders seldom listen, they should expect that example to be passed down the line. Eventually it shouldn’t come as a surprise if workers in their organization give up listening because they never feel listened to. Creativity dries up, discretionary effort disappears and motivation sinks.

A leader who learns to listen is a leader who grows in wisdom, respect and effectiveness. He or she is someone who has learned the truth that we all have two ears and one mouth – giving deference to the majority on most occasions.

Leading yourself through post Rio blues – 3 suggestions

By

olympicsListening to the radio this morning I was interested to hear of athletes who are already fearing post Rio blues, leading to a sense of aimlessness and lack of purpose.

Not being an Olympic athlete myself, I can’t imagine the vacuum that rushes up on people after years of dedication to a moment that passes in a few minutes or seconds. And yet I also hear of athletes that have a deep sense of purpose that takes them beyond their event into a season of fulfilment and dedication.

Also, what about the millions of people that are suffering a feeling of loss in their peak hour TV viewing experiences!

Let me offer 3 suggestions for dealing with post-Rio blues:

1. Move the focus from your achievement (or TV viewing) onto others.

This might sound obvious, but people who have a purpose in their lives that is focused on others, are often more contented and purposeful over a longer period of time. Understandably, most people do have goals that they need to focus on for themselves. However, a balance of goals that benefit others as well as yourself is a good thing. Leading yourself to weave a life tapestry that focuses on others as well as activity that maximizes your personal potential is a great balance. Those who are only focused on the achievement of a personal goal at the expense of anyone else’s interests can be described as driven, ambitious, dedicated …. or at their worst, selfish. It takes intentional personal leadership to build a balanced life.

2. Take the opportunity to plan a new project.

When a momentous period of life has come to an end, investing in planning the next one, or the next few, can be an excellent way to channel energy and emotion. People often say that about vacations! It can apply equally to major projects, or events that have been in planning for months. A short period of celebration and recovery is always good, but then filling your mind with positive thoughts about scaling the next summit is a healthy transition. Deliberately laying out another project or use of time is a good way to avoid slipping into aimless use of time or at the worst, depression.

3. Ask a friend.

“In the multitude of counsellors there is safety” Proverbs 11:14. Some call it coaching, some call it counselling … and others call it having great friends who know how to help. Asking someone to help you through transition is a sure way to be supported and understood. Even better, schedule time to confide in your colleague as soon as you can. There’s nothing better than to off-load onto someone about personal challenges, and for them to bring objectivity and advice into a world that has been fairly myopic until that point.

Leading yourself is an area of leadership that is often under-invested in during leadership development programs. Yet, it can make the difference to yourself, everyone around you and those yet to benefit from the impact you can have on their lives.