Focal Leadership

Leadership

Is your boss emotionally unintelligent?

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bad leader

Awhile ago I spoke with a business leader who told me they had a boss who is emotionally unintelligent. Taking Daniel Goleman’s definition of emotional intelligence, this means that the boss is not self-aware, does not manage their emotions well, is socially unaware, and does not manage relationships effectively. Not the best boss imaginable!

So, what do you do with a boss like this? Especially if this boss is very senior in your organization – a position they probably attained through their genius and business prowess, not people management skills.

Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Try to convert them

    If you are a very emotionally intelligent leader yourself, you may fancy your chances at converting this emotionally unintelligent leader. Some might say good luck! Reach out to them with a human touch, offer them feedback, and try to appeal to the small amount of empathy that lies within. Who knows, you may unlock someone who has become the person they are because no-one has tried to help them discover a better version of themselves. Sitting down and talking about the style of leadership they exhibit may be risky, but you may find them receptive to feedback offered with humility and best intentions. I have always felt that there is good in everyone – sometimes it is just buried quite deep. The leader might of course be completely impervious to your approaches and backing off may eventually be a wise course of action.

  2. Leave them be

Some leaders are tough nuts to crack when it comes to personal behavior change. You might just be best off going with the flow. Accept that they are unlikely to ask you how your weekend went, host a celebration event, or care about building a relationship with you. They might be 100% business and 0% personable. Sometimes it is not worth getting stressed or upset about a leader like this. Try and work with it. Acknowledge the way they are and go with the flow. This might be an emotionally bankrupt approach but make your emotional deposits elsewhere in relationships that offer a return on investment. When interfacing with your boss, tune yourself into the way they are. This way you will meet their expectations.

  • Stay authentic

    Carry on being the person you are. This can a tough road, especially as you are unlikely to get any response to your emotional investment. But some people can pull this off. Stay true to the emotionally intelligent person you are. Ask your boss how their weekend went. Invite them to a social gathering. Share things that are going on in your life. You may hit a brick wall and be ignored, but at least you are filling the airwaves with the positivity that you appreciate. If you are in the company of others as well as your boss, they will latch onto your attitude and appreciate you. Your boss might bark at you to focus on the business at hand, so be careful that you do not show any disrespect. At least you can feel fulfilled in continuing to be the person you are and not compromising your behavior just because it is not reciprocated.

  • Keep your network alive

    No person is an island. Even a CEO has a Board to be accountable to. When faced with an emotionally unintelligent boss, it is important that you keep networking with their peers, other direct reports, and skip level (if appropriate). Take big precautions not to gossip or side with others who bad mouth your boss. The last thing you need is to have your relationship poisoned, no matter how legitimate that might be. You can say that the relationship with your boss is challenging and laugh about some of the incidents that you have experienced but try to stay professional and positive as much as possible. Building relationships with others who share your boss’ circle of influence will ensure that you are inclusive and politically savvy. You might also discover ways of improving your relationship with your boss – others may have learned a secret or two.

  • Talk to a coach

    Sometimes you just need someone to vent to. Let your frustrations and need for validation spill out onto someone else. If your need for emotional connection and relational understanding are not met by your boss, you do need to find a safe place where you can get these. Your partner or family may not be the best place to find counsel. Maybe an HR Business Partner or a coach can help you best. Talk it out. You may find gems of wisdom, but you may not find a resolution – be prepared for that.

Do not be a victim. This person will not be your boss forever. Be true to yourself. Develop your own emotional intelligence and be the best colleague and leader you can be to others.

3 Reasons to be a Passionate and Patient Leader

By

yin yang

Being a passionate and patient leader embodies a combination of virtues that demonstrate a very powerful style of leadership. Taking each of these virtues to the extreme, with the exclusion of other complementary attributes, could have damaging outcomes. Just demonstrating passion can mean being overly excited, over-powering, or having a disregard for others. Just being patient can mean being slow, unfocused, or lacking drive. Here are three reasons why passion and patience are such good companions.

  1. Be intentional about both

    Leadership is never about just one style, one approach, or one dominant behavior. It is about different attributes working together. Emphasizing these behaviors at different times and being intentional about practicing them in the moment. For example, passion is so important when people need to see a vision, need inspiring, and motivating. Patience is so important when people need to be listened to, understood, or change is not immediately evident.

A passionate and patient leader can balance these attributes in a skillful way to demonstrate energy and drive while simultaneously showing the capacity to engage, listen, and wait for others to get on board. An agile leader can show more passionate leadership when the need is to enthuse and inspire, while practicing patient leadership when the need is to help others understand implications or when events need to align before progress can be made. Great leadership is being able to consciously flex styles and not to be overcome by personal impulse or preference, nor to be swayed inappropriately by external events.

  • Increase your emotional intelligence

    Being emotionally intelligent is to understand your own emotions and their impact on others, and also to understand how your own emotions are influenced by those around you. Where this plays into passionate and patient leadership is to grow a personal level of emotional intelligence and understanding that consciously impacts behavior. For example, if a leader knows that they are particularly passionate, then knowing whether to let this come across full-bore or to moderate it is an emotionally intelligent state. Alternatively, a particularly patient leader will know when to raise the pace and move the agenda forward rather than slip into procrastination or indecision.

    Others may want a leader to be more passionate or patient at any given time. Reading the situation and understanding the source of this insistence is also how an emotionally intelligent leader decides whether to adjust their style or not. Passionate people may wish for a passionate leader. The same goes for patient people. But wholeheartedly passionate or patient people may need a leader with different attributes to get the best from them.

  • Be future-focused and present-conscious

    Agile leaders can often plan to adapt their levels of passion and patience depending on the circumstances. For example, if a leader is giving a presentation about future vision, a passionate description of the future might need to be accompanied with a more patient representation of timeline expectations. Or a patient conversation with an underperforming employee might need to be accompanied with a passionate commitment to their development and confidence in their ability to deliver better performance.

    Mindfully developing a passionate as well as a patient response to circumstances is the mark of a leader who understands that leadership is not just being in the moment, but who also understands the impact their leadership has on future engagement and commitment.

Passion and patience are just two leadership attributes. Comparing and contrasting them in the manner above demonstrates how leaders need to flex behavior to be at their best. During the Covid-19 pandemic, both passion and patience are essential leadership attributes – passion to bring energy in finding ways through current difficulties, and patience to lead those who are inundated by circumstances beyond their control.

Emotional Leadership

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Leader_resize

Emotional leadership probably triggers many different images in your mind. Enthusiastic? Unhinged? Tears? Mood swings? Passionate? Oppressive? Authentic?

Reflecting on leaders in the public eye, there are many different emotional styles of leadership. There are leaders who do not display much emotion, those who are known for demonstrating a lot of emotion, and those who control the emotional content and style of their leadership.

Why consider emotional leadership as a topic in the broader consideration of leadership? There is already a lot of commentary on emotional intelligence, executive presence, and leadership impact.  Leaders with high or low emotional content in their leadership have an impact on others with varying degrees of significance. Emotions in leaders are critical as they are a major influence on the emotional response of those they lead.  And the importance of emotions is well noted – in addition to impacting mental health (commitment, stability, feelings), emotions also have a profound impact on the immune system. Scientists have found that negative emotions reduce antibody levels and lower the ability of the immune system to ward-off sickness and disease. Hence, poor leadership that invokes a negative emotional response results in lower engagement and lower employee well-being.

A leader who exhibits a lot of emotion as part of their leadership, either arising from their personality or convictions, should expect different reactions. Some people may be inspired, energized, and motivated. Others may be switched off, unimpressed, or unconvinced. But is there anything wrong with showing emotions as part of being an authentic leader? No! In an increasingly virtual world, connecting on an emotional level has never been more important. Engaging hearts as well as minds is so important. Having to lead through a laptop screen instead of in-person, is stretching leaders more than ever. People need to feel valued, inspired, and connected. When the laptop screen reverts back to an email or document following an interaction with a leader, what are employees meant to feel? If they are not self-motivated, they need regular emotional sustenance from their leaders to connect them with the wider world and infuse them with energy and purpose. Now more than ever leaders need to discover the power of emotions in leadership.

Building and maintaining positive emotions is like a drug for many – a supply needs to keep on coming. Leaders are in the floodlit zone of providing emotional sustenance. A leader who just turns up without consciously or sub-consciously doing a self-inventory of personal motivation and emotional health, needs to reflect on the impact they are having. Being indifferent to the emotional legacy a leader delivers is poor leadership. Turning up with a positive mindset, a buoyant attitude, and credit in your own emotional bank account will leave a positive legacy.

What about controlled emotional leadership? In my opinion, this can go two ways. First, a leader who knows how to control their emotions, how to accentuate them, and how to suppress them appropriately, is a skilled leader. A skilled leader knows how to use emotions to motivate, communicate, and liberate others. They know how to keep disappointment or frustration in check – sharing if it is appropriate, and with a sensitivity for how it might impact others. But leaders who control their emotions so much that they come across as void of feeling, empathy, or authenticity, need to understand the lack-luster impact they are having.

Emotional leadership does not mean over-the-top exhibition of random emotions. It is the appropriate demonstration of emotions as part of communicating, connecting, and changing. Emotional leadership is above all the mark of character in a leader – appreciating that people need an emotional connection as well as cognitive. It is an aspect of leadership that has never been more critical.

Decision-making – is timing everything?

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decision-making

Timing of decision-making and leadership are often wrapped up together. Right now, there are so many arguments raging about the timing of leadership decisions. Re-open the economy, deem services as ‘essential’, return to the office, reduce costs, go virtual, and so on. All of these topics require timely decisions. It seems as though more and more people see timing as right or wrong … predominantly when they are personally affected.

As a leader decision-making is something that comes naturally. Afterall, leadership is a responsibility invariably accepted by those who are comfortable with making decisions that impact other people. There are a minority of leaders who find decision-making onerous or who reluctantly don the mantle of responsibility – a topic for another article. But leaders who make decisions often have to accept that the timing and impact of these decisions will be seen subjectively by others.

How do you know whether a decision is right or wrong?

Some former Presidents of the United States of America had some interesting techniques:

Benjamin Franklin: wrote lists of pros and cons on a piece of paper; struck out items on both sides that seemed to have similar weights (or combined them to make weightings equal); waited a few days; the longest list determined the best decision.

Abraham Lincoln: surrounded himself with great people (often his enemies) who were not afraid to table the best information; considered all points of view and then decided.

Theodore Roosevelt: “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

There are some leaders who consider decision-making to be their responsibility and those who will be impacted by their decisions are just waiting for them to decide. They have ultimate wisdom, insight, and authority. Consultation is not considered because it could come across as a weakness or lack of leadership. In my opinion, this type of leader is missing some of the fundamentals of leadership; humility, empathy, and listening.

Of course, a leader who does not make decisions and prevaricates, vacillates, and hesitates, is not someone who is easily followed. People are looking for leaders who have courage, foresight, and good judgment. Making decisions with these three qualities is characteristic of a confident leader.

The best leaders are those who know how to make the best decisions at the best time in the best way. By definition, this means that decision-making has different guises. Decisions that are urgent often require leadership experience, instinct, and courage. Decisions that impact many people, if not critically urgent, often benefit from consultation, considering options and outcomes, and more careful communication.

So, when is the time right for a decision? If I knew the answer to this question every time, I would be as wise as King Solomon. But there are conditions leaders can consider that influence the timeliness of decision-making. These include implications, risk, urgency, impact, and cost. A single person does not often hold absolute wisdom to be able to make the best decisions every time. That is why great leaders are those who know how to lean on great people. What I might think to be a good decision, may indeed prove to be right. But then again, it may not be the best decision. Being able to consider different points of view, weigh up outcomes, be mindful of all affected parties, and take external forces into account, often requires a collective view rather than a singular opinion.

The timing of decision-making may or may not be critical, but the carefulness and precision in which a decision is crafted can often make or break a leader.

Leading Change in Yourself

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Leading Change is a hot topic. Given the present pandemic, change is not an option. One of the biggest challenges is leading change in yourself. The pandemic has thrown so many curve balls that require us to change, but how about the changes that require personal leadership and not just a response?

What do I mean by this? Some people are pre-disposed to adapting and flexing without any discomfort. Others struggle. Some people are ok being led through change and others enjoy the challenge of leading others. But a lot of stress is caused when people feel that they are constantly reacting to the circumstances around them. Being able to lead yourself through change is a disposition that many are experiencing, yearning for, or simply bereft of. Anticipating that change is a constant, developing chameleon-like behaviors, and retaining serene mindfulness, are adaptive ways of leading change in yourself.

When I first learned to drive, I remember being told by a policeman friend of mine, “steer into the apex of the bend and accelerate out of it”. This driving technique seems to make sense to me. In the same way, if you can intentionally anticipate the upcoming changes of direction, position yourself appropriately, and purposefully invest your energy in the new direction, this seems to be a great way of leading change in yourself. Let us take these one at a time:

Anticipate the upcoming changes of direction

Anticipation can be a quick reflex, or it can be a deliberate plan. Leading yourself requires more of the latter and less of the former. If we are always playing catch up, then we are being led by change rather than leading ourselves through it. If, however, we reflect, research, and resolve to meet the upcoming changes with a positive mindset, we get ahead of the need to just react. Anticipation is an acceptance of the inevitable differences to the status quo. Getting prepared, planning for new solutions, and learning adaptive behaviors, will help you anticipate change. You have heard the phrase “being able to see round corners” … well how about “being the change that lies around the corner”.

Position yourself appropriately

If you do not position your car on the outside of your lane before you steer into the curve, then the curve will be much more difficult to steer around … and you will have to slow down much more. But if you anticipate what is ahead of you, your efficiency and trajectory will be much better. So, positioning yourself for the changes that life, business, and society hold in this current environment will determine how effectively you lead yourself through change. Positioning yourself appropriately implies a change. Communicate differently, work differently, and ideate differently, are all essential to lead through change. You must shift your alignment to the change – be its master, be in control, be ready for it.

Purposefully invest your energy in the new direction

Some people have a victim complex. They are the afflicted ones. Whereas those who lead change in themselves are the opportunists and optimists. Around the corner of our current predicament is a different life. It is hard to imagine that this is the last pandemic we will ever face – and I am trying not to be a doomsday prophet. New opportunities are presenting themselves, the seedbed for innovation has never been more fertile, and the future beckons. When you emerge from the apex of the curve, a new horizon presents itself. Clear vision is restored. We will get through the current pandemic crisis, and there will no doubt be many that have suffered along the way. There will also be those who feel a sense of excitement. Not only of old things returning to normal, but of new vistas. History teaches us that disasters are painful, and they are also accelerants for change. Leading change in yourself will allow you to reflect on the hardships we are all experiencing and also to be authentic in hope.

As we all journey through this time of immense challenge and turmoil, leading change in yourself is an opportunity to build strength, succor, and sustainability to our world.